Hello, Goodbye

It’s New Year’s Eve. One year ago, many things were vastly different.

My mother got sick, and declined further in her dementia, further than she would have had she not gotten sick (I believe). We had to find a group home for her to live in—she could no longer live at home with my dad taking care of her. It was a kind of saying goodbye. Soon after her move, she began to forget our names and relationships to her, and could not carry on a conversation. It seemed there was still a spark of recognition in her yet as she smiled at us, but maybe that’s what we choose to believe. As long as there’s no way to prove what is on her mind, I’ll continue to believe that. Now we visit her every day when we are in town, and take care of her needs as best we can.

We lost a dear friend to cancer. Someone I saw nearly every day, who was a big part of my life. His absence was vast. It still is. There are still people closer to him than I was who are struggling with it, who always will. Much as I wish I could help ease this in them, I can’t erase the pain. All I can do is offer my ear, my shoulder, my heart in support.

I lost my job, which had morphed into something unfathomable. I learned much there, and I will take the education with me, as I start my own business, sparking the world with my art.

Slowly I transitioned from wrecked to stable. And then even to joyous—I embarked on a deep friendship and it became profound love, the likes of which I had never known before. And every day, we are building a life together, one that fits our relationship.

I realized that I really want to be that spark that ignites people into inspiration and action. Some days are harder than others, but most days, we have ignition, folks!

So 2011, I bid you adieu, with mixed emotions. Certain parts of you I could have really done without, but then the wiser, more learned me says that there are things I have taken from those experiences that would not have imprinted without them. I am learning to lead and take the wheel, because I have enough age and experience to be able to drive the damn car, already. And it’s OKAY that I do. I also thank you for the opportunities you have brought me to deepen friendships and relationships, to rekindle and reconnect. And thank you for clearing a path for the next chapter to begin.

To 2012—let’s get this ride started!!