Home for the Holidays

And here is a reflection on the holidays, past, present and future...

I remember our Christmases in Rhode Island...snow-dusted, filled with family and traditions and things that we could count on every year. Mom was big on Christmas—decorating the house to the nines every year, playing the old Ray Conniff, Perry Como and Johnny Mathis Christmas albums while we did so. I used to lay underneath the decorated tree and look up at the Christmas lights through the branches, imagining I was small enough to take a tour of the tree by walking on the branches. Taking walks with our dog every night after dinner in the cold, to see the neighborhood houses all decked out in their holiday light-ery. Then Christmas Eve at Grandma and Grandpa’s: I was always the last one to eat dinner and my cousins were “encouraging” me to finish so we could open presents. And presents! Christmas Eve, Christmas morning at home, and then Christmas Day at Mémère’s. Christmas mornings were wonderful—again playing the old albums in the background, as we ripped presents open and were delighted by what we found, and later as we got older, as others opened presents we gave to them and were delighted by what they found. And then breakfast—Pillsbury cinnamon rolls, the kind that come with the frosting (a tradition we continue to this day), and pancakes or French toast. So many sweet memories, many of them due to Mom making things special for us, because she loved Christmas so. And, in making things special, she passed that love along to us.

Things have changed—we moved to California, and made our own family traditions there. We grew older, made our own homes, incorporated other traditions. But our core traditions still remained at the heart of the holidays. I went through some hard road, became cynical and/or apathetic about the holidays, at times. Sometimes I came out fine at the other end, sometimes I didn’t. But whenever I was with my family, I always felt better and that things were, in fact, right with the world. No matter what changes happened in my life, in my relationships, I always had my family. Now my parents live in Las Vegas, and Mom, who has dementia, doesn’t know what Christmas is. I think she knows us, her daughters, but doesn’t remember our names or relationship consistently. Now it’s up to us to make the holidays special for her, even if she knows nothing beyond the present moment. Something enjoyable for her right NOW. It’s all about giving back, being Santa for others, isn’t it? This is what WE can do for HER now.

Now, in addition to my extended family in Rhode Island, I also have another family--one with Martin. I just came back from my holiday visit there, spending holiday time with Martin and our family and friends, since I won’t be there on the actual day of Christmas. We picked out a Christmas tree and we decorated it, with stories, new ornaments representing us, and sharing the laying-under-the-tree tradition (which he used to do, too, unbeknownst to me) with his daughter. We went to a few holiday parties and had dinners with family and friends. We had a lovely Yule dinner with his family, wherein we exchanged gifts due to my not being able to be there on Christmas. We cooked and baked together, things we made up and family dishes steeped in tradition. We took things we received from our families of origin and lovingly shared them with his daughter, and with each other. I saw a glimpse of my future, the way it’s likely going to be when we finally do live together, and I loved it. It was Home to me. I will miss my family in the West, so very much, but I will find creative ways to keep our traditions alive over the distance. And I see Christmas through Martin’s joyful eyes, the way I saw it through my mom’s all those years ago, bringing past, present and future together, all joined in the most meaningful of circles.

And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing.

I wish you all the HAPPIEST of holidays to you and your families!!

ENJOY!!! INDULGE!!! SAVOR!!!