Gender Bender
When I was small, I got baby dolls for my birthday and
Christmas. I don’t remember whether I
asked for them or not; I just remember having them and playing with them. Between my sister and I, we had Baby Tender
Love and Baby Alive (Baby ALIVE?? Really,
Kenner?? It’s alive…ALIVE!!). If I remember correctly, you could give Baby
Alive a bottle of water and baby food, and her mouth would num num. You could give Baby Tender Love a bottle of
water in her o-shaped mouth. Baby Tender
Love would cry when you squeezed her stomach, so you could pretend to comfort
her when she did. I think they both peed
in their diapers and you could change them.
Here’s the thing: when I played with them, I don’t remember giving them water or food or changing their diapers or holding them. I had more fun squeezing BTL’s abdomen hard to see how loud I could make her shriek instead of just cry, because it sounded like I was killing her, and that was fascinating! I let BA bite my fingers instead of feeding her baby food. I think it was more fun to watch them pee in the sink instead of in their diapers. I enjoyed putting them to bed and playing with either my toy cars or my stuffed cat or drawing, neglecting them for the rest of the day.
Obviously, my maternal instincts were void; baby dolls were
PROBABLY not the best choice of toy for me.
But either I saw them in the Sears catalog (remember when
that would land in the mail before Christmas?
All the possibilities, in Technicolor!) and asked for them because they
were in the girl toy section, because that’s what was suggested to me, or
because people just bought dolls for me because I was a girl. Now I did have some battery operated cars
that I mentioned above, that I know I asked for, because I played with my
cousin’s, and they were fun as hell to make them go whipping through the
house. I also had Barbie and Darcy and
Wonder Woman dolls, which I liked way better because they were autonomous
adults that could have adventures and you didn’t have to take care of
them. We had Ken, but I didn’t use him
that much. He mostly laid around
watching TV, pantsless, with his socks on.
And my sister? Who
hated dolls and dresses and all manner of things feminine when she was a
kid? She had a baby. I didn’t have any kids. I hear many of you breathing a sigh of relief that you don't have to check on the welfare of a child of mine...
What I’m saying is that gender-assigned toys are insanely
ridiculous things to suggest or foist upon kids (as the case may be). Because my parts were girl-shaped, I was
supposed to like pink and taking care of babies and playing house. I hated all of that. I liked playing darts. And just because another child’s parts were
boy-shaped, he was supposed to like cars and GI
Joe and football. What if he likes babies? What if he likes dancing? What if he likes baking cakes? And what about kids who know they’re transgender
or genderqueer? Some parents don’t know
WHAT to do with that—how about: listen to and respect what your child wants? There’s nothing wrong--and everything right--with a child having
their own interests and preferences. And
often, those preferences have to do with the thing itself appealing to their
brains and hearts, not their parts. Sure,
some kids will choose traditional gender roles, and if THEY do, without
prodding from us or the media, no worries.
If girls want to become moms one day, or boys want to go off to become
soldiers, they’ll figure that out themselves. But it doesn’t have to be because we told them that’s what
they’re supposed to do based on their sex.
Let boys want to adopt babies with their husbands one day, and girls
want to become firefighters, too (hell, president!).
Let’s just get rid of this “supposed to” tomfoolery right
now. Take it off the table. Stop assigning anything to anyone's gender or sex. It’s a choice. Their choice. Our choice. Shouldn't we know better by NOW?
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