Why Moms Are Weird--not a review
I just finished reading “Why Moms Are Weird” by Pamela Ribon. Literally just finished it. I’ve been reading Pamie’s online journal since her Squishy days, starting back in 1998. Pamie is a damn good writer. If you read her writing, obviously she’s incredibly hilarious, but she’s also very deft at writing about genuine life happenings, from the sublime to the ridiculous, in a way that you can relate to. You finish reading and you think, “I know exactly what that’s like. That’s happened to me.”
The same is true for “Why Moms Are Weird”, for me. The female protagonist, Benny, comes from a family with two undivorced parents and two daughters, like me (although her father passed away from cancer). Benny has historically had moments of feeling that she does not fit in with her family, because the role she plays in it is the being different from them. There is a mother/sister alliance, just because they’re creatures that happen to be alike, that is not unlike being in the presence of twins who speak their own language, which you don’t speak. Benny is coming off being overweight and does not really know what to do with the new male attention she’s receiving. She’s had her share of boyfriends, but she still sometimes has that leftover mindset of not completely understanding what they see in her (not having ever been That Girl in her life). Damn…how’d Pamie know all that about me?
Benny is a real girl. She’s a genuinely nice person and wants to help her family out in bad times, but she also wants to have a life of her own, and gets caught between the two. Who doesn’t want to be a good daughter, but still wants her own individual life that has nothing to do with her parents’ lives? Who doesn’t think they know better than their folks do, and then realize that they really don’t know shit, comparatively? Who doesn’t want to be seen as a competent adult so badly by their family members that they overcompensate to show how stellar they really are? I’ve been here so many times in my life, even as recently as six months ago. My dad had to have open heart surgery, and there we all were, jockeying for position as to who understood the procedure the best, who could help Dad the most, who had all of the answers and could regurgitate what the doctors had all said at every visit. It’s an unconscious competition that you’re sure you’re over, with every year of adulthood that you pass, but that always re-surfaces the minute you’re around your family again.
And the uncertainty of boys. Can she fully be herself and still have one want to stick around? Benny is so unsure of this, but not in a cringing, pathetic way; in a “I just tripped over my own boot-cut jean cuff; you can’t possibly still think I’m sexy” kind of way. She still sees herself as a geek girl, which is kind of adorable. See? Not That Girl. And not knowing where Not That Girl fits into romantic aspirations, seeing as how every single movie and video and piece of media we grew up on has only thin, beautiful people falling in love with other thin, beautiful people. Where does that leave those of us who are not-so-thin and not-quite-as-beautiful? But Benny does fit in, and eventually she finds that the boy-girl thing feels damned good.
It’s about growth, even when you’re nearing 30 (or have passed it) and believe you’ve already outgrown the muck of your early life insecurities. Most likely, you haven’t, but have really just painted over them in a fairly convincing manner. Something usually happens to show you how far you haven’t gone. And this something may drive you to redouble your efforts and go back and cover the ground you thought you had. For real, this time.
Thank you, Pamie, for writing this particular book, at this particular time.
The same is true for “Why Moms Are Weird”, for me. The female protagonist, Benny, comes from a family with two undivorced parents and two daughters, like me (although her father passed away from cancer). Benny has historically had moments of feeling that she does not fit in with her family, because the role she plays in it is the being different from them. There is a mother/sister alliance, just because they’re creatures that happen to be alike, that is not unlike being in the presence of twins who speak their own language, which you don’t speak. Benny is coming off being overweight and does not really know what to do with the new male attention she’s receiving. She’s had her share of boyfriends, but she still sometimes has that leftover mindset of not completely understanding what they see in her (not having ever been That Girl in her life). Damn…how’d Pamie know all that about me?
Benny is a real girl. She’s a genuinely nice person and wants to help her family out in bad times, but she also wants to have a life of her own, and gets caught between the two. Who doesn’t want to be a good daughter, but still wants her own individual life that has nothing to do with her parents’ lives? Who doesn’t think they know better than their folks do, and then realize that they really don’t know shit, comparatively? Who doesn’t want to be seen as a competent adult so badly by their family members that they overcompensate to show how stellar they really are? I’ve been here so many times in my life, even as recently as six months ago. My dad had to have open heart surgery, and there we all were, jockeying for position as to who understood the procedure the best, who could help Dad the most, who had all of the answers and could regurgitate what the doctors had all said at every visit. It’s an unconscious competition that you’re sure you’re over, with every year of adulthood that you pass, but that always re-surfaces the minute you’re around your family again.
And the uncertainty of boys. Can she fully be herself and still have one want to stick around? Benny is so unsure of this, but not in a cringing, pathetic way; in a “I just tripped over my own boot-cut jean cuff; you can’t possibly still think I’m sexy” kind of way. She still sees herself as a geek girl, which is kind of adorable. See? Not That Girl. And not knowing where Not That Girl fits into romantic aspirations, seeing as how every single movie and video and piece of media we grew up on has only thin, beautiful people falling in love with other thin, beautiful people. Where does that leave those of us who are not-so-thin and not-quite-as-beautiful? But Benny does fit in, and eventually she finds that the boy-girl thing feels damned good.
It’s about growth, even when you’re nearing 30 (or have passed it) and believe you’ve already outgrown the muck of your early life insecurities. Most likely, you haven’t, but have really just painted over them in a fairly convincing manner. Something usually happens to show you how far you haven’t gone. And this something may drive you to redouble your efforts and go back and cover the ground you thought you had. For real, this time.
Thank you, Pamie, for writing this particular book, at this particular time.
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